Rituals of Bengali marriage
Since Bengal is mostly a coastal region, produce from the sea plays a significant role in all religious ceremonies - hence the important presence of fish, shell and corals. A salient feature of the Bengali wedding is the blowing of the conch and the Ooli. This is a sound made by the women with their tongues and by beating the palms on the mouth throughout all the ceremonies. Ooli is significant since it symbolically ensures that everybody's attention is drawn to the main ceremony and nobody is distracted by idle gossip during the ceremonies. Weddings do not take place in the months of Bhadra, Ashwini, Paush, Chaitra and Karthik, as these months are considered inauspicious. The mahurat for the wedding is always after sunset, the Godhuli hour or the hour when the cowherds bring their flocks home.
Myth about Bengali marriage
‘Marriages are made in heaven’, goes the proverb. Two people start of a new journey towards future, hand in hand, sharing at each step new outlooks, responsibilities and love. Marriage, is an auspicious occasion among us. Arranged marriage is still a common practice while love marriages, where partners choose each other without the intervention of their family members, are more prevalent in recent times.
Arranged marriages are still a widely practiced form of forming an eternal partnership where two completely unknown people tie knots for life with the initial introduction done by the help of both the families. These relationships are more based upon the foundation of adjustments, compromises, and sacrifices and a liking for each other which blossoms into love.
Bengali marriages are a mixture of pure custom, tradition and religious beliefs. It is an occasion where the entire family gather, take part in the typical Bengali ‘Adda’, regale in fanfare and remain busy in making the necessary arrangements for the invitees.
The willingness to take responsibilities, to carry out the chores or the last tidbit marketing is met with pleasure. There is a scenario of togetherness spread at every corner. Bengali marriage is a mixture of culture, tradition and rituals.
It consists of numerous customs, mainly traditional, performed by the women of the house, for the new couple. The actual marriage ceremony, comprising of Vedic rituals is performed with devotion for the young couple about to set up a new life. It only takes a few hours to be completed. The social customs are certain practices which are mainly guided by the women-folk and are aptly called ‘Stri Achars'.
The Bengali marriage ceremony like all other marriages are dependant upon numerous symbols that signifies good and evil, purity and sanctity, sexuality and other aspects of life. For instance, the colour black is not used as it indicates triste and hopelessness, while red is considered to be a sign of luck, emotion, fortune and copulation and is widely used in décor.
Banana trees are used to decorate the ‘mandap’ or the place of marriage. A banana tree produces huge number of fruits at a time. The comparison is drawn with the bride, who is also supposed to be blessed with many children. The ‘ghat’, the coconut, these all represent child bearing or pregnancy. All these customs are meant to guide the new couple to a prosperous life and a fruitful life. These customs were more prevalent in the bygone days especially to break the unfamiliarity between the couples and help them overcome their reservations.
Adhibus
The actual ritual of a Bengali marriage ceremony begins with the 'Adhibas'. It is a gathering held in both the homes of the bride and the groom. It is either held on the evening before or on the day of the marriage. The elderly women of the family take an active part here. The ‘baran dala’ or a ‘koola’ i.e. a container made of bamboo, is decorated with lines drawn with sindoor. The ingredients of the 'baran dala' are paddy, grass, sandal, turmeric, flowers, fruits, curd, ghee, gold, silver, copper, conch shell, 'chamor' and cloth. The 'baran dala' also consists of seven beetle leaves, seven supari (beetle nuts) and seven ‘kauri’ (shell) at the bride's place while the numbers increase to nine at the groom's place.
According to the West Bengal tradition, in a different platter a 'Sri' with rice and Mashkalai (variety of whole black leguminous seed yielding gram) is made. With all these the elderly folks bless the bride and the groom. The (durba) grass mixed with oil and turmeric are tied on the left hand of the bride and the right hand of the groom. According to East Bengali tradition the Adhibus ‘tatta’ or marriage items for the bride, are sent to the bride from groom's.
Dhadhimangal or Churakaran
On the day of the marriage, before the sunrise, in both the homes of the bride and the groom, their respective mothers, along with the other five ladies, bless the bride and the groom and treat them with curd and chira (crushed rice). The bride and the groom and their respective mothers and fathers have to fast till the marriage is over. If the sampradan is done by someone else other than the father, he or she has to fast through out the day too. According to the Hindu traditions fasting is common in all occasions and is a wonderful process of cleansing the body and the soul.
Nandimookh or Briddhashrddha
In the morning of the marriage, any male relative of both the bride and the groom have to perform certain rituals to please the souls of the long gone forefathers. They take a solemn vow before the commencement of the religious ceremony mentioning the purpose for which it is intended and offer prayers to Lord Ganesh and a Devi along with an auspicious symbol painted the inner wall of a room (Basudhara).
Bar Jatra
According to Bengali customs the groom travels to the bride's home in order to marry her. Many 'Stri-Achars' are performed when the groom sets for the bride's place. A little boy, preferably a relative, would be the 'nit bar' (little groom) and accompany the groom. This is basically done to outwit the evil eyes, which is said to harm the groom when he travels alone. In the yester years the groom used to travel in a palanquin alone, with the rest of the family following, to the bride's place. The bride and the groom are made to dress up like Lakhshmi-Narayan.
Wedding Attire
Bridal Wear
The Bengali bride wears a Benarasi sari with a wide zari border and drapes a red cheli or veil on her head. There is an attractive headgear in the from of a sholar mukut or crown carved out of pith (bark of a tree). The bride's forehead is marked by artistically designed motifs. The bride also wear traditional heavy gold jewellery. Her hair is put up with pins but must not be braided or knotted (a knot is usually tied when something is broken). Her head is covered with a dupatta. Her hands and feet are decorated with alta (a red coloured dye mixed with water). She wears a garland of flowers. The traditional marriage symbols for a Bengali woman are the three types of bangles namely shankha (conch shell bangle), Pala (lacquer bangle), and loha (iron bangle).
Groom's Wear
The bridegroom dresses in traditional white dhoti and kurta. The dhoti must not be tied with any knots. It can only be folded and tucked in. He drapes a chadar around his shoulders and adorns his head with a huge sholar topor that adds height to the wearer. His accessories are a floral garland around his neck and a metallic mirror, darpan, held in his hand. His make-up consists of chandan dots on his forehead. For the actual wedding ceremony, the groom changes into clothes gifted by his father-in-law. The ensemble, is a twin set consisting of a dhoti and chadar which is made of garad, a traditional silk fabric from Bengal. The dhoti must not be tied with any knots. It can only be folded and tucked in. He now wears a topor presented to him by his father-in-law.
Pre-Wedding Rituals
Ashirwaad
This ritual is performed on anyday not earlier than one month before the wedding and not later than one day prior to the wedding. The groom goes to the house of the bride. The bride's family gives him gifts. He also gets gold, in the form of a ring or chain. He is anointed with a sandalwood tilak on his forehead. Some dhaan (rice husk signifying plentitude) and darba grass (symbolising that he will treat the bride with tenderness) is offered to him. He is then offered mishti (sweets).
Ai Buddo Bhaat
On the night before the wedding, the would be bride takes her last supper as a maiden. In her honour a complete feast with all the delicacies of the cuisine (fish, meat, etc.) is prepared. The wedding day begins at 4.00 am for the bride. She is woken up, bathed and dressed in a white sari with a red border (white symbolising purity and chastity, and red, fertility). She wears all her jewellery and is fed a mixture of puffed rice, curd and sweets. She has to eat this before dawn or before the crows caw, heralding the morning. After daybreak, she is not allowed to eat any cereal or rice. She may only eat sweets, and drink water or sharbat. This is to keep her system light and alert for the ceremony to follow. The menfolk of the girl's family, that is, her father, uncles and brothers, perform a ceremony at about 11.30 or 12.00 in the morning. They offer water to the souls of their ancestors to invoke their blessings. The girl is required to sit through this ceremony.
Jal soha
It is the arrangement for the water to be used by the bride and the groom to take a bath after the ‘gaye holud’. This water taken from the nearby reservoir is made to drip from the urn all along the path, till the person carrying it reaches the temple. Here water is collected from a married woman who is given lac dye (alta) and sindoor (vermillion). From the temple the married female relative goes around the neighbourhood to collect water. Later the bride and the groom in their respective houses are made to sit in the midst of four banana plants arranged at the four corners of a square plot. The ritual 'Gaye Holud' is performed and later are bathed with the water collected.
Haldi Uptan (Gaye Holud)
The bride is made to sit in the midst of four plantain trees kept at four corners of the room. Traditionally, the plantain leaf symbolizes the blessings of Lord Shiva and Goddess Durga. The presence of these trees is required throughout the wedding ceremony. She is then anointed with turmeric paste.
Shakha Paula
The priest chants specific Sanskrit verses. Then seven married women adorn the bride's hands with the traditional bangles made of shell and coral. Since real coral bangles are too expensive, they have been substituted today with red plastic or lac bangles. The shell is supposed to mirror the qualities of the moon, thereby implying that the girl remain serene and calm. The coral is supposed to be beneficial for health. Alongside, the girl also wears a bangle made of iron (loha), which is given by the groom. This signifies that this relationship assumes the qualities of iron, i.e. to be tough and enduring. Then lunch is served to all those who are present. The bride is then dressed up for the wedding.
Potto Bastra
At the wedding venue the groom is welcomed with a boron (straw colander) containing a lamp, honey, curd, sweets, betel leaves and cowries (symbol of plentitude and auspiciousness). This is a pointer to the hope that his presence will bring light, his speech, sweetness, like honey, and that he stays cool like curd. The priest recites Sanskrit shlokas and the father of the bride gives the groom potto bastra, i.e. a dhoti and chaadar which he will wear for the wedding ceremony. At this time other gifts to the groom may also be given. The groom also wears a garland of flowers and is seated in the mandap.
Phool Mala (flower and garland)
The dhoti which the groom was wearing as he entered the mandap is spread out on a wooden stool. The bride is then seated on. Her brothers, uncles or cousins then carry the bride into the mandap. She keeps her face covered with a paan (betel leaf). With the girl still sitting on it, the stool is rotated seven times. The girl then flings the paan over her head. A chaadar or sheet is then held over the heads of the bride and the groom and they glimpse each other for the first time that day. This is called Shubh Drishti. They then exchange garlands in a crossed manner, i.e., the boy's hands must pass through the girl's garland in order to garland her.
Marriage
The Bengali marriage is totally focused on the age-old Vedic customs, complete with chants and the 'yagna' or the holy fire. It is also accompanied with some social customs. The 'Chadnatala', bounded by banana plants, is decorated with 'alpana' or designs. The groom is brought here and is made to wear a new dhoti by the relative of the bride who gives the bride away to the groom. He is made to stand on a 'piri' (a very low wooden stool). The bride is then brought, sitting in another 'piri', carried by her relatives, and is circled clockwise around the standing groom for seven times, seven being an auspicious number for the Hindus. Hence ‘shat paake bandha'[1].
All along, the bride keeps her face hidden with a betel leaf. Then she is brought tete a tete with the groom for the 'shuvo drishti' where the bride and the groom look at each other. Before that, she covers her face with betel leaves.
Just after the 'shuvo drishti'[2] the bride and the groom exchange the garlands they had been wearing. This is called 'malabodol'[3]. The origin of 'malabodal' comes from the 'swayamvar sabha' which was a common practice among the princesses who chose to garland the princes they wanted as their husbands. In the 'Chadnatala' the barber plays an important role. He recites poems to drive away evil spirits from the place of the marriage. This is known as 'gourabachan'.
All through the ceremony a white cloth is held over the couples. The bride and the groom are made to sit together in front of the priest. The groom is given 'bistor'. It is a collection of fourteen 'kush'[4]. A puja is performed with 'padyo', 'argho', 'modhuparko' and 'aachomonio'. On the groom's right palm the bride's right palm is placed. The priest then places a cloth, five fruits and ‘kush’ and ties around with a garland of flowers.
To keep this relationship intact, slokes are chanted. This is the 'sampradan', when the bride is given away to the groom. The groom accepts the bride and the gifts. The five fruits and 'kush' are tied in the cloth provided. The corners of this bundle are tied to the groom's 'uttario'[5] and the 'anchal' of the bride's saari. This is the tying of 'gat chora'. Then 'yagnas', 'kusumdika homn' and 'laaj homn' are performed. Keeping Agni, the fire god as a witness, the bride and the groom move around the holy fire while the priest chants 'shlokas'.
Then the groom holds the right palm of the bride on his to perform the ritual known as 'panigrahan'. In Bengali marriages the groom puts 'shindoor' on the bride's forehead with a ring or a 'koonke'[6]. A saari is then placed on the forehead of the bride. This is the 'Laj Vastra'. Then the bride and the groom are pronounced man and wife.
Basor Ghar
On the wedding night the bride and groom stay awake the whole night and are accompanied by young people who spend the night playing games, singing and dancing and performing 'Stri Achar'.[7]
Bashi Bibaha
The morning after the marriage is also considered important for some places. The sindur ceremony is performed and the bride and the groom offer prayers to the Sun God. Another ritual known as 'Konokanjoli'[8] is performed where the bride throws a handful of rice grains behind her indicating the clearance of her debts to her parents. This ritual is of course obsolete.
Badhu baran
The groom returns home with the bride, the day after the marriage. The mother in law welcomes the bride while she sets her feet in her new home in a traditional Bengali style. The alpana or the design which is applied to decorate the grooms's place is known as 'Bouchatra'. The bride groom sets her feet on the alpona holding a fish in one hand and a pot of water on the other. These outdated rituals were tests to gauge the bride's capability to perform household chores and hold the husband's attention with an underline tone of sexuality. Then the bride and the groom both are blessed by the elders in the family and sweets are given to eat.
Kal ratri
The night after the marriage is called Kal ratri. This night the bride is not supposed to meet the groom. This custom probably has been derived from the myth of Lakhinder and Behula in the Manasamangal Kavya, in which Lakhinder died of snake bite on this day due to the curse of Devi Manasa.
Bhat Kapar
The day next, the groom offers new garments and food in new utensils to the bride. The groom promises to take care of his better half till death through this ceremony.
Bou Bhat
A day after the marriage day is the “Bou Bhat”[9]. This is the day when the new bride serves the guests a delicacy called ‘Ghee bhat’[10]. In the evening there is a get together of the two newly related families and guests.
Ful Sajya[11]
At night the 'Ful Sajya' is held in the house of the groom. The bride and the groom spend their first night together in a bed of flowers. From this day, the bride and the groom are truly man and wife.
Dwiragaman
Eight days after the marriage, the bride returns to his father’s home, accompanied by her husband. This is also known as “Ashtomongola”[12] or Dwiragaman . On this day the ‘Gat chara’ is unknotted. The newly wed couple spends the night at the home of the bride. The Ashtomongola marks the end of the Bengali marriage ceremony.
Marriage being an important part of our life is celebrated generally in the traditional form with great grandeur. The socio-cultural and religious factors play an impact on the ceremonies and rituals associated with marriages. Bengali marriages are a mixture of pure custom, tradition and religious beliefs. It is an occasion where the entire family gather, take part in the typical Bengali ‘Adda’[13], regale in fanfare and remain busy in making the necessary arrangements for the invitees.
Arrange marriage
In Bengali custom we have a tradition of arrange marriage. That means that father and the mother of the bride and groom will see each other and if they feel it is good they will fix the marriage. In most of the cases it happens to be an imposition of a wife to an unwilling husband or a unwilling husband on a wife. This may forced them to a stalemate situation and this may ends in to commit suicide. In my practical experience I have seen people to commit suicide due to dissatisfaction of marriage partner. Still now days a bride’s choice or groom’s choice are not the essential criteria to chose the marriage partner. I personally feel that life is not a bullock-cart. On one side the bride and the other side the groom has been selected and having the blessing o their parents they are going to start the sweetest relationship with a forced circumstanced. This cannot leads to happy marriage life. I personally feel that love marriage is better than arrange marriage. Because in case of love marriage both the bride and groom get an opportunity to decide whether she or he can live with person whole of the life or not. So it is an open question for them to decide. This may help them to be satisfied in their life. This may be influenced by the emotion but I don’t feel that in such question like this emotion will not misguide any body. I feel only emotion can help them to way out. So no arrange marriage.
[1] confined in seven round
[2] auspicious first look at one’s spouse
[3] exchange of garland
[4] types of long grass
[5] a decorative piece of cloth kept on the shoulders of the groom
[6] a bamboo made utensil to measure rice
[7] Stri, means woman and Achar activity
[8] Kanakanjali- in Bengali rituals when a girl goes to her in laws house she had to give back all the food she had taken for survival in her father’s house. The rationality behind this is that the girl’s actual home is her in law’s home so when going to her own home/house she should give back all she had been given by her parents.
[9] The day when the newly married wife first
[10] a mixture of rice with ghee
[11] Bed ornamented with flower
[12] Auspicious eight days of god
[13] Chatting
Since Bengal is mostly a coastal region, produce from the sea plays a significant role in all religious ceremonies - hence the important presence of fish, shell and corals. A salient feature of the Bengali wedding is the blowing of the conch and the Ooli. This is a sound made by the women with their tongues and by beating the palms on the mouth throughout all the ceremonies. Ooli is significant since it symbolically ensures that everybody's attention is drawn to the main ceremony and nobody is distracted by idle gossip during the ceremonies. Weddings do not take place in the months of Bhadra, Ashwini, Paush, Chaitra and Karthik, as these months are considered inauspicious. The mahurat for the wedding is always after sunset, the Godhuli hour or the hour when the cowherds bring their flocks home.
Myth about Bengali marriage
‘Marriages are made in heaven’, goes the proverb. Two people start of a new journey towards future, hand in hand, sharing at each step new outlooks, responsibilities and love. Marriage, is an auspicious occasion among us. Arranged marriage is still a common practice while love marriages, where partners choose each other without the intervention of their family members, are more prevalent in recent times.
Arranged marriages are still a widely practiced form of forming an eternal partnership where two completely unknown people tie knots for life with the initial introduction done by the help of both the families. These relationships are more based upon the foundation of adjustments, compromises, and sacrifices and a liking for each other which blossoms into love.
Bengali marriages are a mixture of pure custom, tradition and religious beliefs. It is an occasion where the entire family gather, take part in the typical Bengali ‘Adda’, regale in fanfare and remain busy in making the necessary arrangements for the invitees.
The willingness to take responsibilities, to carry out the chores or the last tidbit marketing is met with pleasure. There is a scenario of togetherness spread at every corner. Bengali marriage is a mixture of culture, tradition and rituals.
It consists of numerous customs, mainly traditional, performed by the women of the house, for the new couple. The actual marriage ceremony, comprising of Vedic rituals is performed with devotion for the young couple about to set up a new life. It only takes a few hours to be completed. The social customs are certain practices which are mainly guided by the women-folk and are aptly called ‘Stri Achars'.
The Bengali marriage ceremony like all other marriages are dependant upon numerous symbols that signifies good and evil, purity and sanctity, sexuality and other aspects of life. For instance, the colour black is not used as it indicates triste and hopelessness, while red is considered to be a sign of luck, emotion, fortune and copulation and is widely used in décor.
Banana trees are used to decorate the ‘mandap’ or the place of marriage. A banana tree produces huge number of fruits at a time. The comparison is drawn with the bride, who is also supposed to be blessed with many children. The ‘ghat’, the coconut, these all represent child bearing or pregnancy. All these customs are meant to guide the new couple to a prosperous life and a fruitful life. These customs were more prevalent in the bygone days especially to break the unfamiliarity between the couples and help them overcome their reservations.
Adhibus
The actual ritual of a Bengali marriage ceremony begins with the 'Adhibas'. It is a gathering held in both the homes of the bride and the groom. It is either held on the evening before or on the day of the marriage. The elderly women of the family take an active part here. The ‘baran dala’ or a ‘koola’ i.e. a container made of bamboo, is decorated with lines drawn with sindoor. The ingredients of the 'baran dala' are paddy, grass, sandal, turmeric, flowers, fruits, curd, ghee, gold, silver, copper, conch shell, 'chamor' and cloth. The 'baran dala' also consists of seven beetle leaves, seven supari (beetle nuts) and seven ‘kauri’ (shell) at the bride's place while the numbers increase to nine at the groom's place.
According to the West Bengal tradition, in a different platter a 'Sri' with rice and Mashkalai (variety of whole black leguminous seed yielding gram) is made. With all these the elderly folks bless the bride and the groom. The (durba) grass mixed with oil and turmeric are tied on the left hand of the bride and the right hand of the groom. According to East Bengali tradition the Adhibus ‘tatta’ or marriage items for the bride, are sent to the bride from groom's.
Dhadhimangal or Churakaran
On the day of the marriage, before the sunrise, in both the homes of the bride and the groom, their respective mothers, along with the other five ladies, bless the bride and the groom and treat them with curd and chira (crushed rice). The bride and the groom and their respective mothers and fathers have to fast till the marriage is over. If the sampradan is done by someone else other than the father, he or she has to fast through out the day too. According to the Hindu traditions fasting is common in all occasions and is a wonderful process of cleansing the body and the soul.
Nandimookh or Briddhashrddha
In the morning of the marriage, any male relative of both the bride and the groom have to perform certain rituals to please the souls of the long gone forefathers. They take a solemn vow before the commencement of the religious ceremony mentioning the purpose for which it is intended and offer prayers to Lord Ganesh and a Devi along with an auspicious symbol painted the inner wall of a room (Basudhara).
Bar Jatra
According to Bengali customs the groom travels to the bride's home in order to marry her. Many 'Stri-Achars' are performed when the groom sets for the bride's place. A little boy, preferably a relative, would be the 'nit bar' (little groom) and accompany the groom. This is basically done to outwit the evil eyes, which is said to harm the groom when he travels alone. In the yester years the groom used to travel in a palanquin alone, with the rest of the family following, to the bride's place. The bride and the groom are made to dress up like Lakhshmi-Narayan.
Wedding Attire
Bridal Wear
The Bengali bride wears a Benarasi sari with a wide zari border and drapes a red cheli or veil on her head. There is an attractive headgear in the from of a sholar mukut or crown carved out of pith (bark of a tree). The bride's forehead is marked by artistically designed motifs. The bride also wear traditional heavy gold jewellery. Her hair is put up with pins but must not be braided or knotted (a knot is usually tied when something is broken). Her head is covered with a dupatta. Her hands and feet are decorated with alta (a red coloured dye mixed with water). She wears a garland of flowers. The traditional marriage symbols for a Bengali woman are the three types of bangles namely shankha (conch shell bangle), Pala (lacquer bangle), and loha (iron bangle).
Groom's Wear
The bridegroom dresses in traditional white dhoti and kurta. The dhoti must not be tied with any knots. It can only be folded and tucked in. He drapes a chadar around his shoulders and adorns his head with a huge sholar topor that adds height to the wearer. His accessories are a floral garland around his neck and a metallic mirror, darpan, held in his hand. His make-up consists of chandan dots on his forehead. For the actual wedding ceremony, the groom changes into clothes gifted by his father-in-law. The ensemble, is a twin set consisting of a dhoti and chadar which is made of garad, a traditional silk fabric from Bengal. The dhoti must not be tied with any knots. It can only be folded and tucked in. He now wears a topor presented to him by his father-in-law.
Pre-Wedding Rituals
Ashirwaad
This ritual is performed on anyday not earlier than one month before the wedding and not later than one day prior to the wedding. The groom goes to the house of the bride. The bride's family gives him gifts. He also gets gold, in the form of a ring or chain. He is anointed with a sandalwood tilak on his forehead. Some dhaan (rice husk signifying plentitude) and darba grass (symbolising that he will treat the bride with tenderness) is offered to him. He is then offered mishti (sweets).
Ai Buddo Bhaat
On the night before the wedding, the would be bride takes her last supper as a maiden. In her honour a complete feast with all the delicacies of the cuisine (fish, meat, etc.) is prepared. The wedding day begins at 4.00 am for the bride. She is woken up, bathed and dressed in a white sari with a red border (white symbolising purity and chastity, and red, fertility). She wears all her jewellery and is fed a mixture of puffed rice, curd and sweets. She has to eat this before dawn or before the crows caw, heralding the morning. After daybreak, she is not allowed to eat any cereal or rice. She may only eat sweets, and drink water or sharbat. This is to keep her system light and alert for the ceremony to follow. The menfolk of the girl's family, that is, her father, uncles and brothers, perform a ceremony at about 11.30 or 12.00 in the morning. They offer water to the souls of their ancestors to invoke their blessings. The girl is required to sit through this ceremony.
Jal soha
It is the arrangement for the water to be used by the bride and the groom to take a bath after the ‘gaye holud’. This water taken from the nearby reservoir is made to drip from the urn all along the path, till the person carrying it reaches the temple. Here water is collected from a married woman who is given lac dye (alta) and sindoor (vermillion). From the temple the married female relative goes around the neighbourhood to collect water. Later the bride and the groom in their respective houses are made to sit in the midst of four banana plants arranged at the four corners of a square plot. The ritual 'Gaye Holud' is performed and later are bathed with the water collected.
Haldi Uptan (Gaye Holud)
The bride is made to sit in the midst of four plantain trees kept at four corners of the room. Traditionally, the plantain leaf symbolizes the blessings of Lord Shiva and Goddess Durga. The presence of these trees is required throughout the wedding ceremony. She is then anointed with turmeric paste.
Shakha Paula
The priest chants specific Sanskrit verses. Then seven married women adorn the bride's hands with the traditional bangles made of shell and coral. Since real coral bangles are too expensive, they have been substituted today with red plastic or lac bangles. The shell is supposed to mirror the qualities of the moon, thereby implying that the girl remain serene and calm. The coral is supposed to be beneficial for health. Alongside, the girl also wears a bangle made of iron (loha), which is given by the groom. This signifies that this relationship assumes the qualities of iron, i.e. to be tough and enduring. Then lunch is served to all those who are present. The bride is then dressed up for the wedding.
Potto Bastra
At the wedding venue the groom is welcomed with a boron (straw colander) containing a lamp, honey, curd, sweets, betel leaves and cowries (symbol of plentitude and auspiciousness). This is a pointer to the hope that his presence will bring light, his speech, sweetness, like honey, and that he stays cool like curd. The priest recites Sanskrit shlokas and the father of the bride gives the groom potto bastra, i.e. a dhoti and chaadar which he will wear for the wedding ceremony. At this time other gifts to the groom may also be given. The groom also wears a garland of flowers and is seated in the mandap.
Phool Mala (flower and garland)
The dhoti which the groom was wearing as he entered the mandap is spread out on a wooden stool. The bride is then seated on. Her brothers, uncles or cousins then carry the bride into the mandap. She keeps her face covered with a paan (betel leaf). With the girl still sitting on it, the stool is rotated seven times. The girl then flings the paan over her head. A chaadar or sheet is then held over the heads of the bride and the groom and they glimpse each other for the first time that day. This is called Shubh Drishti. They then exchange garlands in a crossed manner, i.e., the boy's hands must pass through the girl's garland in order to garland her.
Marriage
The Bengali marriage is totally focused on the age-old Vedic customs, complete with chants and the 'yagna' or the holy fire. It is also accompanied with some social customs. The 'Chadnatala', bounded by banana plants, is decorated with 'alpana' or designs. The groom is brought here and is made to wear a new dhoti by the relative of the bride who gives the bride away to the groom. He is made to stand on a 'piri' (a very low wooden stool). The bride is then brought, sitting in another 'piri', carried by her relatives, and is circled clockwise around the standing groom for seven times, seven being an auspicious number for the Hindus. Hence ‘shat paake bandha'[1].
All along, the bride keeps her face hidden with a betel leaf. Then she is brought tete a tete with the groom for the 'shuvo drishti' where the bride and the groom look at each other. Before that, she covers her face with betel leaves.
Just after the 'shuvo drishti'[2] the bride and the groom exchange the garlands they had been wearing. This is called 'malabodol'[3]. The origin of 'malabodal' comes from the 'swayamvar sabha' which was a common practice among the princesses who chose to garland the princes they wanted as their husbands. In the 'Chadnatala' the barber plays an important role. He recites poems to drive away evil spirits from the place of the marriage. This is known as 'gourabachan'.
All through the ceremony a white cloth is held over the couples. The bride and the groom are made to sit together in front of the priest. The groom is given 'bistor'. It is a collection of fourteen 'kush'[4]. A puja is performed with 'padyo', 'argho', 'modhuparko' and 'aachomonio'. On the groom's right palm the bride's right palm is placed. The priest then places a cloth, five fruits and ‘kush’ and ties around with a garland of flowers.
To keep this relationship intact, slokes are chanted. This is the 'sampradan', when the bride is given away to the groom. The groom accepts the bride and the gifts. The five fruits and 'kush' are tied in the cloth provided. The corners of this bundle are tied to the groom's 'uttario'[5] and the 'anchal' of the bride's saari. This is the tying of 'gat chora'. Then 'yagnas', 'kusumdika homn' and 'laaj homn' are performed. Keeping Agni, the fire god as a witness, the bride and the groom move around the holy fire while the priest chants 'shlokas'.
Then the groom holds the right palm of the bride on his to perform the ritual known as 'panigrahan'. In Bengali marriages the groom puts 'shindoor' on the bride's forehead with a ring or a 'koonke'[6]. A saari is then placed on the forehead of the bride. This is the 'Laj Vastra'. Then the bride and the groom are pronounced man and wife.
Basor Ghar
On the wedding night the bride and groom stay awake the whole night and are accompanied by young people who spend the night playing games, singing and dancing and performing 'Stri Achar'.[7]
Bashi Bibaha
The morning after the marriage is also considered important for some places. The sindur ceremony is performed and the bride and the groom offer prayers to the Sun God. Another ritual known as 'Konokanjoli'[8] is performed where the bride throws a handful of rice grains behind her indicating the clearance of her debts to her parents. This ritual is of course obsolete.
Badhu baran
The groom returns home with the bride, the day after the marriage. The mother in law welcomes the bride while she sets her feet in her new home in a traditional Bengali style. The alpana or the design which is applied to decorate the grooms's place is known as 'Bouchatra'. The bride groom sets her feet on the alpona holding a fish in one hand and a pot of water on the other. These outdated rituals were tests to gauge the bride's capability to perform household chores and hold the husband's attention with an underline tone of sexuality. Then the bride and the groom both are blessed by the elders in the family and sweets are given to eat.
Kal ratri
The night after the marriage is called Kal ratri. This night the bride is not supposed to meet the groom. This custom probably has been derived from the myth of Lakhinder and Behula in the Manasamangal Kavya, in which Lakhinder died of snake bite on this day due to the curse of Devi Manasa.
Bhat Kapar
The day next, the groom offers new garments and food in new utensils to the bride. The groom promises to take care of his better half till death through this ceremony.
Bou Bhat
A day after the marriage day is the “Bou Bhat”[9]. This is the day when the new bride serves the guests a delicacy called ‘Ghee bhat’[10]. In the evening there is a get together of the two newly related families and guests.
Ful Sajya[11]
At night the 'Ful Sajya' is held in the house of the groom. The bride and the groom spend their first night together in a bed of flowers. From this day, the bride and the groom are truly man and wife.
Dwiragaman
Eight days after the marriage, the bride returns to his father’s home, accompanied by her husband. This is also known as “Ashtomongola”[12] or Dwiragaman . On this day the ‘Gat chara’ is unknotted. The newly wed couple spends the night at the home of the bride. The Ashtomongola marks the end of the Bengali marriage ceremony.
Marriage being an important part of our life is celebrated generally in the traditional form with great grandeur. The socio-cultural and religious factors play an impact on the ceremonies and rituals associated with marriages. Bengali marriages are a mixture of pure custom, tradition and religious beliefs. It is an occasion where the entire family gather, take part in the typical Bengali ‘Adda’[13], regale in fanfare and remain busy in making the necessary arrangements for the invitees.
Arrange marriage
In Bengali custom we have a tradition of arrange marriage. That means that father and the mother of the bride and groom will see each other and if they feel it is good they will fix the marriage. In most of the cases it happens to be an imposition of a wife to an unwilling husband or a unwilling husband on a wife. This may forced them to a stalemate situation and this may ends in to commit suicide. In my practical experience I have seen people to commit suicide due to dissatisfaction of marriage partner. Still now days a bride’s choice or groom’s choice are not the essential criteria to chose the marriage partner. I personally feel that life is not a bullock-cart. On one side the bride and the other side the groom has been selected and having the blessing o their parents they are going to start the sweetest relationship with a forced circumstanced. This cannot leads to happy marriage life. I personally feel that love marriage is better than arrange marriage. Because in case of love marriage both the bride and groom get an opportunity to decide whether she or he can live with person whole of the life or not. So it is an open question for them to decide. This may help them to be satisfied in their life. This may be influenced by the emotion but I don’t feel that in such question like this emotion will not misguide any body. I feel only emotion can help them to way out. So no arrange marriage.
[1] confined in seven round
[2] auspicious first look at one’s spouse
[3] exchange of garland
[4] types of long grass
[5] a decorative piece of cloth kept on the shoulders of the groom
[6] a bamboo made utensil to measure rice
[7] Stri, means woman and Achar activity
[8] Kanakanjali- in Bengali rituals when a girl goes to her in laws house she had to give back all the food she had taken for survival in her father’s house. The rationality behind this is that the girl’s actual home is her in law’s home so when going to her own home/house she should give back all she had been given by her parents.
[9] The day when the newly married wife first
[10] a mixture of rice with ghee
[11] Bed ornamented with flower
[12] Auspicious eight days of god
[13] Chatting
45 comments:
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ABPPatropatri.com is a Bengali Matrimonial site. Search for prospective Bengali brides & grooms from any age group caste or religion.
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Bengali weddings are traditionally in four parts: the bride's gaye holud, the groom's gaye holud, the wedding ceremony, and the reception. These often take place on separate days. The first event in a wedding is an informal one: the groom presents the bride with a ring marking the "engagement" which is gaining popularity. This can sometimes be considered as Ashirwaad.
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The procession traditionally centers on the (younger) female relative and friends of bride, and they are traditionally all in matching clothes, mostly orange in colour. The bride is seated on a dais, and the henna is used to decorate the bride's hands and feet with elaborate abstract designs. The turmeric paste is applied by the bride's friends to her body. This is said to soften the skin, but also colours her with the distinctive yellow hue that gives its name to this ceremony. The sweets are then fed to the bride by all involved, piece by piece. There is, of course, a feast for the guests. The groom's gaye holud comes next, and has the same form as the bridal ceremony.
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Marriage and rituals go hand in hand, also dates for the marriage are equally important, to solve about this problem www,abppatropatri.com has launched a bengali wedding date planner service in their website. This shows the crucial dates for the marriage in this year.
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